Disorder Press
The two poems below “You Never Really Noticed” and “These Are the Things We Tell Each Other in the Dark” were written by Mikaela Grantham and published by Disorder Press.
Disorder Press was Founded in 2015 by Mikaela Grantham and Michelle Nazzal. Disorder Press is a small literary and design publisher based 50/50 in San Francisco and New Orleans. This was an accidental project. Last spring, I was in the process of attempting to write a small collection of poetry. Michelle, who has a background in book-making and graphic design, suggested that we make a book together. I began passing along poems for her to edit and layout. At first, we thought that we could get it published on a friend’s small press based out of San Francisco, but when that didn’t work out, we decided to start our own press. We have sort of been obsessively working on it ever since. In October of 2015, we released our first book, These Are the Things We Tell Each Other in the Dark, poetry by myself and design by Michelle.
You Never Really Noticed
This morning I stared out
My kitchen window
While I ate toast
Smeared with peanut butter
And strawberry jam
Thinking about how
You don't love me anymore.
And then she called
Around noon
To tell me that she found
A baby eel inside the
Subway station
And so,
She took off her shoes
Then
She took off her socks
And she said to the baby eel,
"Come on, honey, I'm gonna
bring you back home to your mama."
She held open her white
Athletic socks
And the baby eel jumped in.
They rode the long
Subway ride
All the way to the beach.
All the way to the sea.
For a while,
Maybe an hour
She stood cradling the
Little baby who was
Sleeping inside her sock
While she watched the waves
Tumble and crawl towards
The shore
And she pointed to the water
And she whispered into
The baby eel’s ear
"Home."
And then she let
The baby go.
But on her way
Back to her apartment
She remembered that the
Baby eel belonged to the river
Not the sea
She grew worried
And decided she ought to call me.
So now I am staring
Into the mud of my old
Morning cup of coffee
That I could not finish
Crying
Because you never even noticed
Because you never really even noticed
That you stopped loving me.
These Are the Things We Tell Each Other in the Dark
“All religions are cults
Cults are just unpopular religions.”
This is what you tell me
While we lay naked in bed
Sucking and blowing air
Into the dark
If I lie on my right side
And you lay on your left
If you let me
I can look into your eyes
Try to make out your
Expressions
As you begin to tell me
Things like this:
Everything disguised as fate
Is really just coincidence
An accident
Yes, yes,
Life is just one big car accident
A pile up
On a never ending highway
And we are driving through Texas Aimlessly
And there is no meaning to
Who survives
And why they do
Or any nonsense like that
We are all suspended in this
Endless free fall.
And Religion is just something
People struggle to hold on to
To save themselves.
You are gasping for air
And your body is convulsing
And I just want to ask you
How do you know?
But instead I
Tell you that every truth
I have ever known
I discovered in
Fiction.
You only stare at me
Through the thick quietness
Of the dark
And I wonder if you know
What is inside me.
And I wonder if you know
That I’m scared.
Worried if it will come
Out
Alive
Like us.
Or if you know that
When you do let me look into
Your eyes
I can only see
My reflection.
